Depressed if You Do (Opt-Out), Depressed if You Don’t?

This week the media and the blogosphere have been abuzz over a study examining rates of depression among mothers.

A press release by the American Sociological Association (ASA) details the work of Katrina Leupp, a University of Washington graduate student who led a study examining rates of depression symptoms among stay –at-home-moms and working moms.  (The press release is available in its entirety here .)

The press release doesn’t tell us the professions of the 1,600 forty-year-old women who took part in the study, or their work history prior to having children.  The study divides the women into three categories. The first category consists of Stay At Home Moms, with the second and third categories consisting of working moms – either SuperMoms, or “working moms who expected that they would have to forgo some aspects of their career or parenting to achieve a work-life balance,” what I call ‘Realist Moms.’

All of the women in the study had previously participated in answering a questionnaire.  The age of the women at the time of the questionnaire is not disclosed in the press release, but they are called ‘young adults,’ and presumptively did not yet have children.  The study’s division of the now forty-year-old women into SuperMoms and Realist Moms depended on their answers to the questionnaire at a previous point in their lives.

According to the press release, Stay At Home Moms fared the worst in the study, with the highest rates of depression symptoms.  Leupp gives credence to the saying that Stay At Home Moms have the hardest job in the world, it reports.  “Employment is ultimately beneficial for women’s health, even when differences in marital satisfaction and working full or part time are ruled out,” says Leupp.

Who are the SuperMoms?  They are the women in the study who as young adults consistently agreed with statements that women can combine employment and family care.  They had the second-highest level of depression symptoms.  The Reaslist Moms are the women in the study who expected that work-life balance was going to be hard and were “probably more likely to accept that they can’t do it all.”  Realist Moms had the lowest level of depression symptoms.

What, if anything, does the study mean to mother-lawyers, both working and not?

We know from other recent studies (to be discussed later) that up to twenty-five percent of mother-lawyers ‘opt-out.’  If we believe Leupp’s study applies to ‘opted out’ moms as well as other Stay At Home Moms, those opted out moms are most likely to exhibit depression symptoms.  If that’s the case, why do opted out moms report being so happy -  Lisa Blegen’s book-club moms, or the moms described in 100 Hour Couples (more on that another day.)  Or do moms who have opted out feel like they must appear to be happy?  Opted out moms have given up a lot – status, money, independence, the ability to pee alone.  If they don’t appear happy, would others – or secretly, they themselves – judge them as foolish for having given those things up?  Maybe opted out moms’ previous high-powered careers were so stressful, that they truly are happy staying home – it’s just that there are so few of them, they are mere outliers.

Where do the working mother-lawyers land in Leupp’s study?  My guess is that they are primarily SuperMoms – women who before having children believed that it was possible to combine employment and family care.  Here’s why.  Today’s mother-lawyers have had very few role models in the profession, and have therefore been trail-blazers in this brave new world of combining motherhood and lawyerhood.  As a general rule, trail-blazers of any sort believe that they will be successful.  (If they believed they would fail, would they even attempt to blaze a new trial?)  Add to that the fact that lawyers are trained to be perfectionists.  (It can hardly be otherwise in a profession in which minor errors can have devastating consequences to a client’s life, liberty or livelihood.)   These trail-blazing women with perfectionist predilections tend to have high opinions of their own abilities, believing themselves capable of achieving things impossible to mere mortals.  Such as – apparently – combining employment and family care.  Besides, how many young women who later became lawyers believed they were not capable of doing something?  Especially with no role models to warn them otherwise?  My guess is very few.

Given the well-known high levels of depression in the legal profession at large, and the assumption that Leupp’s study applies to both opted out mother-lawyer, and working mother-lawyers, I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that mother lawyers are destined to be

depressed if they do (opt out), depressed if they don’t.

Unless, of course, Leupp’s study is flawed in grouping opted out moms in the same category as other Stay At Home Moms.  Maybe we need a study measuring depression levels in opted out moms.  Is there one out there?  If so, let me know.  If not, maybe I’ll create one.

Note:  Leupp’s study was presented at the annual conference of the ASA.  It has not yet been published, as publication requires peer review, and acceptance by an academic journal.  I plan on following up on this post when/if the actual study is published, and available for review.

Examining Lawyers in “The Opt-Out Revolution”

“The Opt-Out Revolution,” an article which appeared in the New York Times Magazine on October 26, 2003, by Lisa Belken, is generally credited to be the first major article examining the ‘opt-out’ phenomenon.   The article has spawned multiple responsive articles and books, some praising and some lambasting Belken and the ideas presented in her article.  (The article is available in its entirety at http://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/26WOMEN.html?pagewanted=1.)

The women Belken interviewed and profiled were Princeton graduates and members of a book club -  admittedly white beneficiaries of top-tier educations (generally with graduate degrees,) married to successful, equally educated men.  (As one might imagine, many of the critiques of the article begin with the limited sample of women, and their highly privileged situations.)   The women’s professional backgrounds were varied, but lumped together by Belken under the umbrella of high-powered fast-track careers.

When the glossy New York Times Magazine arrived on my doorstep, the article struck a particular chord.  At that time, I was a new associate at a large law-firm beginning to wonder how I could possibly manage to balance my career, my marriage, and the children I hoped to have in the next few years.  I was curious about these women who, in my mind, had thrown their careers away.

Looking back, I now find it interesting that three of the Princeton book-club members quoted in Belken’s article are attorneys.  (She never reveals the total number of book-club members, but one can reasonably presume it was a relatively small group.)  Belken did not comment on the (perhaps) disproportionate representation of lawyers profiled in her article, or compare the situation of the attorneys with the women in other professions.  (Belken focused primarily on comparing attitudes of women of differing generations.)

The very first book-club member quoted in Belken’s article is one of those three attorneys.  True to lawyer form, Karen Browkaw is discussing the definition of a particular term:  success.   ”I don’t want to be on the fast track leading to a partnership at a prestigious law firm,” Ms. Brokaw is quoted as saying.  ”Some people define that as success. I don’t.”  While Ms. Brokaw never actually defines success, we learn that she had left the ‘fast-track’ to stay home with her three children.

The tipping point in Ms. Browkaw’s decision to opt-out was a bumped-up trial date which required her to spend three months working fifteen hour days, seven days a week, while simultaneously nursing her baby daughter – who was not yet sleeping through the night.  When Brokaw’s trial date arrived, the judge postponed the case – to go fishing for two weeks.  Later the judge postponed the case indefinitely.

“Finally, when the case was pulled from the calendar, I did a lot of soul-searching,” Ms. Brokaw is quoted as saying.  “My life, my home life and my new family life were at the mercy of other people’s whims. The judge had chosen to go fishing. My partners [at the law firm] had chosen not to place my request [for a part-time schedule] on high-enough priority.”

Eventually, Ms. Brokaw decided that while the ultimate goal of becoming partner would reward her financially, she felt it would actually make her day-to-day life worse.  So, she quit.  Her story ends with Brokaw saying, ”I wish it had been possible to be the kind of parent I want to be and continue with my legal career, but I wore myself out trying to do both jobs well.”

The next lawyer Belken introduces is Vicky McElhaney Benedict.  Ms. Benedict’s career path is described as quite different from that of Ms. Brokaw – practicing law for nine months before leaving her law firm to work in a university development office.  Ms. Benedict then quit that job while on maternity leave with her first child.  While this career path would be disappointing to the majority of women lawyers I know, Belken quotes Ms. Benedict as saying, “Even before I became a mother, I suspected I wouldn’t go back to work.”  She describes her decision to follow her then-boyfriend, now husband, to a different city at the very beginning of her career, “because I knew that the long-term career was going to be his.”

The third and final lawyer introduced by Belken refuses to be identified.  She is a litigator whose firm – unlike Ms. Browkaw’s – actually had granted her request to work ‘part-time.’  We quickly learn that the ‘part-time’ track is not a panacea.  This attorney rhetorically asks, ”How do you litigate part time? It’s supposed to be 10 to 5 — at a law firm, that’s part time — but lately I’ve been working until 4 a.m. because I have a project due. It’s the type of job where if something’s due, you work until it’s done.”

So how do the mother attorneys profiled in Belken’s article feel about their decisions?  Ms. Benedict is quoted saying, ”This is what I was meant to do.  I hate to say that because it sounds like I could have skipped college. But I mean this is what I was meant to do at this time. I know that’s very un-p.c., but I like life’s rhythms when I’m nurturing a child.”

Ms. Brokaw, on the other hand, comes across as a bit more defensive of her decision.  Belken quotes her as saying, ”Don’t make me look like some 1950′s Stepford wife.” She emphasizes that in the years since she had left her law firm, she had helped found the Atlanta Girls’ School, and had also raised a successful challenge to a bridge that was to have spilled its traffic into her residential neighborhood. ”I use my legal skills every day,” Browkaw reportedly states.  For her, using her degree is clearly very important, but her compensation need not be monetary.  Instead, for Ms. Brokaw, adequate compensation consists of living her own definition of ‘success’.

The anonymous attorney doesn’t specifically state her level of job satisfaction at her ‘part-time’ job – for which she presumably receives ‘part-time’ pay – but reading between the lines this reader, at least, assumes that she is not pleased with her situation, yet sees no alternative to remain a practicing lawyer.

So, what conclusions can we draw from Ms. Belken’s now eight-year-old article?  I conclude that in regards to the reasons mother-lawyers ‘opt out,’ things haven’t changed very much.  Some mother-lawyers such as Ms. Benedict (although in my estimate, this is a very small minority of mother-lawyers) enter the field assuming that they may practice law, but knowing that while their children are small, they will stay home. They also assume that staying home is only a phase.  “This is what I was meant to do at this time,”  (emphasis mine.)

Some mother-lawyers such as Ms. Brokaw struggle along, striving perfection in juggling job and kids until they realize that:  the juggling will never, never end;  that their ‘work product’ – both at the office and at home – is suffering in quality; and that the juggling will only get harder as they advance into more responsibility at work, and/or have a second or third child.

Other mother-lawyers, such as Ms. Anonymous, try to cut back, but find that it is impossible, and so they toil along, with fear of negative repercussions at work if their true feelings are revealed and a sense of unhappiness in their day-to-day lives.

Because her article did not address mothers who choose to work full-time in high-powered, fast-track careers, we don’t have an example of why or how those mothers get along, or how ‘happy’ they perceive themselves.  (More on that at a later date.)    Similarly, because her article did not focus specifically on mother-lawyers, we are not presented with suggestions for improving work-life balance in the law.

As for me?  I relate most closely to Ms. Brokaw.  I was plagued by the very real fear that it was only a matter of time before my juggling resulted in dropping a very important ball.  I was either going to (a) commit malpractice, (b) leave a child in a snow-bank, (c) have a nervous break-down, or (d) all of the above.  I was betting on answer (d) – clearly an unsustainable path.

And, like Ms. Anonymous, I’m no longer sure that it is possible for the practice of law to be ‘family friendly’ due to its very nature.  (Again, more on that later).

What about you?

What are your thoughts on Belken’s article?

Over the next weeks, I will examine some of the stand-out books and articles that followed Belken’s initial foray into the world of ‘opting-out,’ hopefully teasing out how they may apply to the legal profession, and to mother-lawyers specifically.  I hope you’ll join me.

Jewell

“Men understood nothing of the profound sameness, week after week, after month of the same narrow rooms, treading the same worn footpaths to the clothesline, the garden.  You soon knew it all by heart.  Your mind closed in to the problems of cracked glass, feeling for pennies in linty coat pockets, sour milk.  You couldn’t get away from troubles.  They came dragging into the mirror with you, fanning over the snow, filled the dirty sink.  Men couldn’t imagine women’s lives, they seemed to believe, as in a religion, that women were numbed by an instinctive craving to fill the wet mouths of babies, predestined to choose always the petty points of life on which to hang their attention until at last all ended and began with the orifices of the body.  She had believed this herself.”

E. Annie Proulx, Postcards, Scribner 1992, p. 151

Blawg – defined

Blawg -
Slang term used to describe an online blog that is written by lawyers, or one that is focused on providing legal-oriented content.
From:  Webopedia

http://www.webopedia.com/TERM/B/blawg.html

Domestic Goddess – defined

domestic goddessnoun

Definition:  a woman who is very good at cooking and keeping her house clean and organized

From:  Cambridge Dictionaries online

 http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/do-mestic-goddess

***

  1.  domestic goddess

home all day and doing a wonderful job of cooking, cleaning and child rearing
(domestic goddess’s are usually MILF’s)

Question:  “What are you doing to today?”
Answer:  “Staying home, sipping a latte & being a domestic goddess.”

 

  1. domestic goddess

A female who excels at baking, cooking, cleaning-housework of all sorts. She loves to please and enjoys hearing compliments about her awesomeness around the house/kitchen. She may sew, knit, have domestic hobbies that come out well. She doesn’t have to have children to be considered a domestic goddess.

Husband: “Yeah, I know, ever since we were married she’s become quite the domestic goddess.”
Friend: “I wish my woman was like that, I’m jealous!”

 From:  Urban Dictionary

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=domestic%20goddess

Esquire – defined

esquire -
“n. a form of address showing that someone is an attorney, usually written . . . Esquire, or simply Esq. Originally in England an Esquire was a rank just above “gentleman” and below “knight.” It became a title for barristers, sheriffs and judges.”

From law.com Law Dictionary.

http://dictionary.law.com/Default.aspx?selected=660

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 181 other followers

%d bloggers like this: